Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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