He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
