I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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