i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
