don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
