Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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