Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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