i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
