I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
