Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
