This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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