you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Come see our sink grown plant.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
