Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
