I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm both gender and math confused
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
