know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
