Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
