I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
