i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
