i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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