have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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