We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
