so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
