somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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