I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
