You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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