if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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