how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
