So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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