you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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