i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
