paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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