yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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