you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
