I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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