dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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