Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
