the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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