Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
