i already hear my dad disowning me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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