i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
