VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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