Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
