do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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