All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
