Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
