the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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