somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
