shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
