Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
