Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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