When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Farmville is her only friend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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