I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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