Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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