i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
