we're blogging at a bar
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
