Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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