Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
