I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
