I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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