ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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